July 2022...
“Thank you for taking the time to come to speak with Me. Do not beat yourself down, My dear. Oh, you do it so often even unconsciously. This is not who I intended you to be, not to be demoralized with lies from the enemy about who you are, what I have given you, where you stand before Me now. I watch over you at every step and nothing goes unnoticed to Me. Your heart skips I see, your breath cutting anxiety and scruples. At each corner on the street or room. They howl at you with such force to deplore and paralyze your walk with Me. Oh they try you so much! Each breath you take I see fear in it. Each step you make I see them biting at it. Even when you sleep they do not leave you be. So it seems a bit, until you gain consciousness and they howl anew on you. You ARE in a constant war zone in your own house.
"Truly, as you came to perceive, the fight is not against man, fearing man, but against the entities behind those fear-stirring emotions. You are facing head-on face-to-face with a squad of Fear demons and evil spirits. I know it seems impossible right now, but do not give up! There is hope ahead even as we speak. What you do not see now, I do see, I am the way out."
Me: …
“I can tell you, your walk with Me is NOT being wasted! You are just in a season of heavy trials and testings for your growth and purification. Though it seems that the more purifying fires, the more dirt on you... That is because it is working, layers of dirt being exposed and treated!
“I am not mad...”
You are not mad nor disappointed when I can’t do what you tell Me?
“I am a little bit disappointed, but not mad. I even embrace you. You on the contrary bury yourself alive. You are more severe on yourself than I am. That is pride... There are a lot of wounds stored up that need to be let go of.
“Tell Me, child, how often have you fallen before me? Countless?”
Yes.
“How often have I forgiven you?”
Countless. Always!
“Yes. Do you see? I wipe them away with My precious blood. Now you need to wipe them away from your own mind and heart. No longer allow them to conquer your mind, emotions, and feelings. You have a whole big bag of them! Yes, let them go once and for all in the ocean of My mercy.
[Comes to mind now, my struggle on the street with souls....]
“I am not desperate toward your case. I KNEW you would have to go through this the very first time I set eyes on you. I know your path. The trials, struggles, victories, falls — everything — and in all these, am I not still here? Do I not still hold you tight to Myself? That should tell you of My caring nature and how I cherish you despite all your frailty and weakness. My mercy has carried you through. Do battle with Me! Do not allow the enemy to sow in your mind any more lies. Test the fruit, see the spirit and what it yields in you. Once again, be patient with yourself. You almost lose sight of joy, My joy, so much negativity on you.”
How do I deal with this [get rid of] …?
“Give it to Me and My mother. In the meantime, BE in the PRESENT! In the SECOND! Try that for a while and see how it works in you.
[Again thinking of the street struggle with souls....]
“Do not concern yourself with your misery, cultivate rather a grateful spirit more and more always, at each thing find the blessing in it. Start positive! It will do battle!”
I’m sorry, Lord—…
“I know you are very sorry for your lapses and mistakes. Make reparation for your sins by acts of charity, almsgiving, endurance, resistance. May you have great confidence, you are not hopeless as they say you are. I am your hope for a strong and bright future in Me. My bright future for you! So, tent to others. Begin to forgive all things, especially your own shortcomings. Be mindful of them, yes, but do not allow them to destroy you. I will take care of the destroying/rebuilding process, that is My task. And do not bother with what people think.
"This is a fight, and I am in the fight with you!”
“When nothing seems to make sense, have recourse to me. [Mama Mary speaking]. I hold every tear and breath, and I offer them up to God for your salvation and many others you know not of.”
“My father is also with you [St. Joseph].” Jesus added, “My angels are with you. All of heaven is! You just don’t seem to perceive it much.”
“Have recourse to Me always.” Holy Spirit said.
Me: …
I’m sorry, Holy Spirit …. Sometimes I wonder what You actually think… [that I disappoint Him and restrain Him when about people].
“You’re still thinking negative! Oh man, I need you to have joy with Me," He made me smile, "I am just SO in and present in you, dear one. You just allow too many cares to flood your soul!"
I just think You are sad because of not— ...You know…
“It does hurt to not be able to pass a blessing to a soul in need, for I wish to help them so much, and if only My Vessels would allow Me more reign over themselves… But I also understand the forces aligned against My Vessels. This is not an easy-dizzy walk and fight. By this I mean they come in to kill steal and destroy. But above all, none shall transpose My limits! My power at work is greater and stronger than theirs in this world.”
It seems You have told me all of this already, so many times… Will I ever do it?
“Start with Me on each new day. Hold your breath near Me and allow Me to pick you up. Let’s cultivate this walk together!”
I am being honest? [Thinking negatively...]
“Please," He pleads, "grab hold of Me. Only Me.” Holy Spirit said, and I changed the topic, saying,
Is there anything You wish to add, Lord?
“Pray for your father, he needs Me much and I wish to touch him. Pray for your mother and her heart, for your siblings and relatives — they are soon to come to meet Me.”
“Do not be downcast and sorely disappointed. Find Me in each day! Go back to your early days with Me. Yes! Keep moving ahead, but now in more childlike faith! I embrace you and I hold you through it all. Do not lose courage, I am here to stay.” Holy Spirit continued, “Let joy and love be the source of your actions. I will help you! For that," He shows Himself sneaky funny, "I will need to fill you with MY joy and happiness!”