One day I began thinking about the message Mother Mary Elisha had received; the one that says, “Be Faithful, Obedient and Submissive with Great Love to the Will of God”. And in there, Mother Elisha says, according to Jesus, Mother Mary has something to do with our being under trials as though we are being refined by Mother’s supervision. I was thinking [about] what has been happening with me during that week; that those who entrusted to her care (Mother Mary’s) are undergoing through some work currently in themselves, and I said to her, “Seems, Mother, you are doing some work”, referring to my own soul.
And then I heard a response come to me, mentioning the pains and the trials of the past week. It said,
“It hurts because it’s being tackled and moved. Were it to remain dormant and untouched there would be no pain felt. But because we are trying to take it out, the pain is a good [way of] knowing that it’s in the right direction, since it is in our hands, and we are behind the purification and the tackment of it."
And I said, hmmm, makes sense. Thank you!
“Your yieldedness and willingness to cooperate to bear the cross and the pain is a sweet fragrant gift. All heaven is backing you up as we move onward. So do not be dismayed. Yes, truly, you are NEVER alone. The feeling of absence might be allowed to come upon you, but we are ever so near in the darkest hours.”
During the whole previous week, I had been filled with sadness over my heart, with rejection, apathy, indifference, even coldness, into self-pity, and so forth.
I said to Mother, mentioning the feeling of thinking I was rejected and alone, I said to her, it’s a sting of rejection, isn’t it? And pride… as if from my own side.
And she said,
“Yes…there is much damage to your feelings and emotions that we are trying to balance and sort things out of there that is not needed so you can grow and walk plentier in this field.”
And I said to her; very sensitive, Mother… Truly even as my mom and a sister said: one day I am happy, next day I am down, and moods switch up from morning till evening. They can differ many times. And that is why I try to kill emotions and feelings, so to say, like that if I feel nothing it won’t affect me anymore, in anything – no more moods per day. But eventually, I realize this is also a sad state—of me trying to kill emotions and feelings.
Mother said, “Self-rejection; you are trying too much on your own to fix yourself, My dear. That should be the place of the Lord in your life. We do understand human weakness and frailty but leave all into His hands. Yes, let the chisel and the hammer be continually in His hands. He knows the spot, the force of the blow, and the depth the blow should have. At times he just wished to tap an area, not to throw a big deep blow”
And that is what I seem to do, as though the deeper the blow the faster the healing and the shaping process, I would think.
“But He is a gentle God, patient with his handiwork and has much wisdom on timeframes of all.
“So my dearest, when he applies the chisel on you, whatever part that be, try not to take the chisel from his hands or to press more force by your own hand on the chisel as he applies it on you, yes? Let him be at freedom to sculpt you as he wishes. You have only to love him and be patient as he does the working in you. He might even smile and be humming as you keep your eyes on him during the chisel.”
And here I visualize that I am like in the place of a statue – a living statue – and Jesus has the chisel and a hammer, and he has his knees on the ground, busy, focused, but relaxed at the work before his eyes. As I have my own arms open wide and gazing at him silently, watching his movements, he picks up tools from around him on the flood and He is humming as a workman would do during his handiwork process.
I said to Mother,
I know that many times, Mother, this is what is placed in my heart to do and act as, but when the trials actually come I just seem to hardly do it. I mean, maybe pride again, for wishing to act well just as my inspirations quickened in me.
She said, “I am indeed here to help you with that, and I have been always around to help you make progress in these inspirations. But then again, rely on me and relinquish all things to him. The process of the chisel is in function to do just that; to make way and space so you CAN and will act according to the inclinations inspired in your heart. It just takes deep patience and surrender to the moment, day by day, with the graces and the strength given then. Grace by grace, little by little and step by step, at each effort put forth, you will get there”
And then I sense Momma is near Jesus at his right, on the previous scene, standing and supervising the soul and the process – like a gentle mother. And her company was also comforting.
So I said to her,
So, if I fall – to be grateful. If I don’t fall and there are little baby steps of progress toward my inspirations – to be grateful. At peace, in the moment? Right?
“Yes!” she said.
Challenging to deal with emotions, I thought.
“But it can be done. ‘Through Jesus who strengthens me.’” She quotes, lifting up her right arm as when we would say 'all4souls'.
Thank you, Mother. Always you are here to help and assist, even if I don’t come that much to pour out to you. The Lord be blessed, and may your heart be blessed too! Amen
And as I went to discern this, I got Holy Spirit, which was an encouragement.
But then, I realized when I was about to receive the Lord in the Supper, as I saw Him broken there in half, it boomed on me an inspiration, which goes something by these words:
“My broken body feeds another soul, my ‘spilled blood’ quenches the thirst of a soul.”
Just as Jesus’ whole broken body daily feeds me and His blood quenches my thirst, so it is with souls. When I am being broken, life escapes from me, life energy comes out of me due to its pain. But this life energy the Lord catches and pours it in on a soul, giving life to that soul, enlivening it.” Jesus is daily broken for me, his whole being, entirely, broken in half. Daily I am to be broken, in some parts, for someone else’s good too.
And as I reasoned on these words, I went back and forth trying to see how they would sound, as though said from the mouth of Jesus himself. And after I had finished, a question popped in my head which said, “But you are God you can fill them with life instantly!”
Then a response come to my spirit, saying,
“Jesus and the soul do it together. His (the Lord’s) life energy, and the little of the soul’s life energy, so that the soul can enter in the joy of the Master. He is so compassionate and kind that he does it together with the little one who is willing. His heart is throbbing with joy at this act of love.”
And I said,
Wow! Makes one think, 'LORD, break me more!!'
May the Lord bless you all.