Misunderstanding the Lord...

November, 2022...

It’s been some week now since I really felt we had a proper conversation, but today I come per Your counsel to pour out to You. Thank you for hearing me out, Lord.

[After witting down pages about my concerns and pouring out...]

I misunderstand You a lot! A lot! And only You know my mind. Thinking how I share my feeling and thoughts with You, there is a, “Ugh, who cares!” I then tend to brush this off and turn hard, not so moved by the pain inside, snuffing it down and not allow myself this exposure of weakness, for I define it as self-pity and “my own fault in the end, so why share? Might just move past this and move on once again.” But it never moves on, it is still there.

Form one side I wonder, “Does He really care to hear these scruples of mine??” because it is as, "If I don’t care about myself and not to hear myself about this, then You wouldn’t either." But I get the feeling You are more caring about me than I am about myself.

So, that’s’ all I can say for now…

“Child, you cannot fathom how much I adore you! Your weakness for Me is just a canvas to paint on with the power and grace to sculpt out of you a very exquisite jewel and person! You are seemingly divided against yourself. You find it difficult to join yourself up together again. Yes, we did spoke of this before, but truly, a long-lasting cross is not overcome overnight.

“For there to be balance in you, you need to be balanced about you. You cannot be unbalanced by rejecting your own weaknesses and faults. You spotted Me the day before: ‘if I was perfect and got everything right by my own, I would no longer have need of Jesus.’ Where would I be, then?

“So, you see, your weakness is for Me many opportunities for Me to have life with you. Through Me! Not by your own self. And with Me, I take My time! And of course, it diverges from other souls because some souls take longer than other to perceive it. But the sooner you realize it, the more at peace will you be.

“There are moments of weakness that hit souls about themselves, but their firm foundation and anchor is switching focus back to Me and having confidence in Me. And this, My child, you need much confidence in Me! You know it is not offensive to Me when to have much confidence in Me, and it is never overboard, so I ask for great trust from My faithful ones, even when they do not understand it.

“You see, you [us, humans], do not see what I see. You cannot see the flow of the future; you cannot see further ahead than the moment I grand you. But I see all things, past, present, and future; every outcome, every road and event, not only in your personal life with Me, but worldwide. It is like a wide scheme of paths and courses that I see switching and operating in accordance with My design, and how it would end up when My design is not followed. So, I see your end! I am your end and your beginning! What is there to fear when I am the One over your life? Your life comes from Me, I am the one fueling you My life so you can have Life.

“See, child of Mine? No matter the outcome of your stand with Me in heaven – know Me!” he shows Himself a very tender Lord, with both hands on my cheeks and very close to my face, smiling gently and affectionally.

“Oh! there is truly SO MUCH you are to know and feel of Me! The tyranny of this time oftentimes obstructs My reality for you. You feel condemned, while I feel affection for you. You feel off while I am alive and living in you. You feel you “waste Me” while I fuel My life in you so you will keep onward and stand in the times you face! You see, I do have many venues through within I move that you have no knowledge of! You cannot buy the idea that you “waste Me” simply because you feel a no good in action – great actions for Me. Although there is time for all, the ordinary is also of Me. It is most desirable to be little than great, for then you are great indeed. And I have a bomb of joy waiting for you for the sorrows and thefts taken from you [joys stolen]! You will have to learn confidence and trust in My mercy-full love and thus allow yourself to dwell in My Home more often, not to run from Me when reminded of your faults and sins, which, after confessed, I forgave and are no more. And which those still facing, I aid with a fatherly helping hand.

“Bear with Me what I allow, but do train your mind and soul to lock Me and My joys inside and dwell on them often, for your joy is found where I am. And where I am, your joy is there! Transform all this into something to be joyful about that leads to Me, being reminded of Me, for truly aside from Me you have no joy in life. And when you see Me in everything in your life, you will be joyful about anything and everything you witness, weather dancing days, sorrows, crosses, gladness, anything! For when you see Me in all things, all around you, in every circumstance, in every person, in every creation I made – you see Me, thus, your joy is not stolen from you for I am NEVER stolen from you! For I said I will be with you until the end of time! and after that, you will be where I am for all eternity!

“See that? I am going nowhere! So, no need to be saddened. Cast your glances often more on Me. You are allowed to bask yourself in Me to your heart’s content, ALWAYS AND EVERYWHERE." He said, as a cute point-in-fact Master.

Me: ….. [short pause, pondering]

Me: You’re right.

“So, have hope….” he smiles gently, “Hope for what you cannot see. But as you know,” he points at Himself, “you see Me. And I am secure! Your hope is secure in Me.” [as God wills it in His design].

Me: [light sigh]

“Ponder often, like My Mother, the good things that We have done for you. Like that your heart will always remember what We did and your mind will be often on Us, and thus, your soul will be warm and contemplating your God."

Me: [silent pause and glad]

“For the rest, trust Me!" the voice of the Trinity marked the bold word, "This will be your freedom and breakthrough: trust Me! Even when you fear and do not know what to do, trust and hope in Me. I will not disappoint you. For I see!” He concluded. He sees all, the end of my path, and all the rest.