A Message from Mother Mary.
This was during my six-day trip to Medjugorje.
Holding Jesus on my lap, I began to speak with Momma in the silence of the morning hours while looking out of the window at the hills and its view. The previous day I went to the Apparition Hill and stayed there for my morning prayer. There I had begun a short conversation, and today we picked up on it again, going deeper into it, sharing with her my thoughts and heart openly— telling her of my weakest points—about the approaching of people—about my constant insecurities about anything I do—beating down of myself when I fail—the constant quick judgmental thoughts that seem to fly instantly at the sight of a person—the insecurity, jealousy and feeling threatened by some youth person or someone about my age—that they be better than I, and more favored by God and man—that that soul would be much more often needed and sought by others if help be needed—feeling that I would be no longer needed and no longer loved . . . fearing rejection and abandonment by others. Telling her much sincerely. I entrusted all these in her hands to do as her maternal heart knows better in her maternal heart. For truly, I cannot do it to get myself out of them on my own, at all.
After a moment of quietness and pleasant silence of these morning hours, it was now time to hit shuffle on my worship playlist, saying, “Holy Spirit and Momma, I trust you with the choosing of the songs. No demonic filters to twist the message of these songs to me. Momma, help me with the discernment of what the Lord says through them.” I said to her, needing help because I get confused at times, resistant and frustrated over some songs.
They began, and the shuffled songs told a story:
Jesus’ heart was sorrowful unto death—the Lord was telling me to be kept myself in the moment, so I don’t lose what he has for me. To be there with him as Veronica did, wiping his face and comforting him.
Instantly I thought that he was feeling like that because of the state of the world and with all its suffering, but soon a gentle touch on my mind made me think: Is he deeply sorrowful and grieving because of the struggles I face, also? As if, sad for being seemingly “trapped” in them, I wondered.
The songs had taken a change of course, saying now that the Lord is my Shepherd, and he goes before me, truly, not alone. I am to surrender myself, my thoughts, my all, to let him have his way in his wisdom for he makes more than I can ever be. A Warrior!
I noticed Momma Mary’s voice resounded in all songs as she moved speaking through the songs. So, our mother and daughter moment continued. Now it was her turn to speak:
“When the negative is all you hear, you’ve got to keep believing. Faith is your shield! His love is your armor. O’ my dearest Soul, you who are trapped in a cage in the prison of your past mistakes. You know there is no time left to waste, you are made to run wild in the freedom of the Lord, to live free under his gaze, and to love strong. You CAN make your great escape from running this Race with fear. Don’t run it In Fear!
“Know that the Work is finished, its End is written. Oh, Jesus Christ is your living hope, the King of kings calls you his own and he has set you free, My dearest! Death—all those thoughts that bring you the stench of death—they have lost their grip on you, My Son truly broke every chain, for there is salvation in his name. Grave has no claim on you, My daughter. Grave in thoughts, grave in words, grave with its stamp of death is no longer yours.
“Yes, you can never ‘be perfect’ on your own. And you fall, that’s human, but the Lord’s grace is always enough. Move on now, My child, with the rest of your life. Entrust all things new that you desire and aspire to see come through—entrust them to him—all the changes and character breakthroughs you long for. Know, My dear, the past with its chains, with its regrets and falls—it cannot, I repeat, IT CANNOT be even compared to the future he has for you!
“Oh tremble! Tremble in the presence of the Lord as he takes your breath away with his beauty and entirety! Oh, the beauty of his face! Set your eyes on him, on things above, on his glory all around you as it fills the whole world. Think more heavenly, this is the way to combat the negativity. Marvel even as the nations begin to praise him, as all tongues together singing one song of how great is our God. We are going towards that—nations and tongues under One True God.
“Your life is built on his faithfulness. He will come through in these struggles you face. You can trust his name for these greater things. He never fails. He never will.
“This battle on the ground of you, fighting your anxieties, feeling so heavy as though you can’t reach the person you are supposed to be. . . Child, let go, there is no pressure “to becoming,” that heavy pressure you put on yourself. I will remind your soul to let stress fall to the floor, that you don’t have to be perfect, to act perfect, to not fall and have it all perfect. In your imperfection, you are worth it—he already says you are his own as you are now. That work of change and of becoming who you are meant to be is a work of his hands’ doing, dearest. He is the change in you. The ‘becoming’ is his to construct and manifest, not yours on your own strength. All you have to do is be there and cooperate with his construction. You don’t have to ‘gain’ his love, you don’t have to ‘earn’ his grace — he gives it all away! The Lord truly is the fairest than a thousand forces coming against you. He is able!”
I was then reminded of His word of promise to me of some years ago, “I will turn your weak points into strong points. And I will use them.” “They will see you have not been chosen in vain.” He referred “they” about my loved ones.
Momma Mary continued,
“You are So used to losing, you are afraid to try again. Right now, all you see is ashes where there was a flame, but truth is, My beloved, you are not forgotten, grace still knows your name.” — [at that instant I saw 11:11 on the clock, which is, Daddy confirms it!] “Your God is not done with you. Even with your broken heart, wounds, and scars, when you feel you lost, that it’s hard and you are falling apart—God is not done with you. It’s not over as you think in your sadness, it all has only just begun.
“So, don’t hide and run away. He has a plan, and this you are going through is part of it. He is not done writing your story yet. You have awakened jealous Love! How wondrous is that?”
That was the end of our open Mother & Daughter moment.
Dealing with one’s failures, in a scrupulous way, for five years, is a very weary thing to deal with. But as she mentioned - there is hope. And it began to manifest for my wonder. In this six-day trip to Medjugorje, seems there’s been a certain spiritual change that Momma Mary did I bet, while I stood before her on the Apparition Hill, entrusting failures, and weaknesses to her maternal heart.
Well, I hope to share what happened there in my next few Journal Entries. Until then, peace! [Chuckles]