May you all be blessed.
I wrote this a while ago, around that time after I started try to journal here on the Mountain. One day I came to the Lord straight on point. So, let’s go straight on point too.
“Dear Lord, I want to come by thanking you firstly of the help, blessings and love you pour out on us, on a daily basis, and for being so forgiving at each fall, no matter how small it might be.You know how I make a big deal out of my littlest judgment and fault.” (I tend to get scrupulous and go to the very end over a tiny mistake, or repetitive mistakes, I make).“I come to journal, not really knowing what you will say, but I come out of obedience to Mother Elisha’s word you gave. So, here I am. What is on your heart, Jesus?”
“YOU are on My heart, Beloved! And I love you so! You think now how I often seem to bring this up to you, repeating Myself.”
I was a bit incredulous it was Jesus speaking because this of Him loving me seems to be repeated a lot indeed, making me think if it’s my mind.
“…But you know; you need it! You need to hear and accept it. You deny and reject yourself too much.”
Am I blocked, or something?
He went to say,
“I have made you beautifully in My own image, with My own traits and characteristics, a beautiful masterpiece at its conception. So, you see, even in your broken state as of now, you are still adorned with My love and traits. You fear My loving gaze because of the scars inflicted on you; either your constant trying to please Me but find out you can’t do it as you so longed (on your own); or either the trails, and sufferings you went through as a child.
He said gently,
“I knew you and what you would do before you even stepped on this Earth. There is really no need to feel ashamed, scared and fretful with Me. I do truly understand your substance. So, please, allow Me to come deeper into your being and bring you the so needed and desired healing, and the joy and consolation of My divinity overpowering you.”
I thought then of how exactly to do this, really?
And He said,
“The way you would do that is just by being yourself with Me. Don’t fear Me to the point of being terrorized in My presence over the littlest fault you just perceived. I’m not there to slap you in the face, I am there to be a merciful husband, partner and friend, and God, who wants to make you whole, pick you up, dust you off and try again and again and again with your eyes on Me and My heart for you.
“Try to switch your focus on Me and My mercy every time you find yourself with a fault. Look to Me and see My GAZE OF LOVE OVER YOU, having compassion on you. I bless you—I see you—I know you try and did try before—but count on Me to accomplish and restore all things broken and crushed. Be with Me in this.”
Then I kind of went, saying:
You know, Jesus, I don’t really know how to live this walk with you. I just DO try too much on my own effort, and…. I fear disappointing you, or hurting you with my sins, which I know I somehow offend you. …I’m sorry.
“I embrace you even in your misery, child. You do not realize the extent of My affection for you. I am FOR YOU when you are so much against yourself.”
I thought, “Hmm, seems I need to just release and let go of the ideas of how I should be and behave in your presence (like, exaggeratedly). I have a lot of learning to do about You, Lord.
“Yes, you do. [He chuckles] I truly do love you,” [He points his finger toward me in a funny gesture, adding,] “Don’t doubt Me.”
Aha ha…. Okay. I’ll try.
“Thank you! Go now My child, Daddy is with you.”
Amen. Thank you, Lord.
[Right after ending this, I saw the clock read 1:11 PM. Daddy God’s nudge].
Still feeling a soft tug as if wanting to hear more of what he wants to say, seems He and I just continued to chat a bit. I picked up on these words then after, “Come to Me like this often.” Meaning, willing to listen more. “It’s such a comfort to finally have you here willingly to just type down and listen, really.
It brings Me much delight. Truly and truly, I say to you; Fountains of mercy and delight pour out to those who would just sit and listen.”
I then remembered Mary, the sister of Martha, who would just sit at His feet and just listen to Him.
“Yes, like that. With big wide eyes of a child in wonder at each word spoken.” Jesus freely and cheerfully mimics the ‘wide’ with his arms.
“Indeed, it is. That’s heavenly honey for Me. [He smiles widely and cheered up]. Blessings pour out of My heart for you, —just please do receive them. I will help you cooperate with Me. [Then he went to add confidently and smiling] You know I am able to do it.”
I remembered all those events where he did show himself able to help me cooperate with his moves of the Spirit. But while he was saying that I thought in a few next seconds; “You have blessed me so much by far, you STILL want to bless me more?” I laughed inwardly.
He affirmed with cheer,
“Yeah, much more!”
Remain with the Lord, dear ones.
Much more is in store for you.