Finally, we arrived at the point of sharing what has been happening with me since arriving in Portugal. The following messages will be a flashback on how it all went and the trial it was mostly marked by; obedience to the Lord’s directions. These messages will give you a glimpse of many weaknesses, and yet, the power of His mercy and grace, and how Mama Mary wins victories for the Lord and for the soul.
So, here is the first message I got after finding out I will indeed be staying with family for a certain time.
After the Lord’s Supper, I settled down a bit and heard a whisper in me, "I would like to speak with you,” the Lord said, for he had waited so patiently all this time. So I came to listen to him.
He began:
"Do not be afraid to tell them you are My priest. With the truth come graces given to hearts to ponder and receive Me as I present Myself to them, through whomever it might be that I choose to come through. Have recourse to Me always and let Me lead you each and new day I grant you in this house. Fear not rebukes. Fear not trials. Fear not tests! I am here!
“I always remain here! I always will remain here with you. Thank you for holding tight to Me. I will bring you through this time of trial and testing also. Wherever I go, you come. Wherever I send you, I bring you victory! Thank you for following Me and yielding to My known will for you, child of Mine. Thank you for accepting the cross, [meaning, my US Visa getting denied]. Thank you for loving and holding fast."
I just came to realize, Lord, how a precious gift You are in fact! These days have been a bit wobbly and I perceived how Your presence is needed! I want them to know You are in the house. I secretly even desire that they—some of them at least—to come and spend time with You too, before the Monstrance. I wish they would begin to hunger and experience You as I did! Even if a little bit.
(Honestly saying, my mom, or one of my brothers, and even my niece, perhaps, to come and comfort Him in her little own way.)
“It's just a desire I have!” I told Him, continuing:
It surely feels not okay to have You in this house and them to be unaware of it. It's as if a person, a real present person, who lives in the same house but is ignored as if he did not exist. Please, be strong in me and help me allow You to be known in this house. Then, I would leave their thoughts and hearts to You as I go about setting an example or so. Yet, Lord, may it be as you desire it to be.
Jesus took over and said,
"I will give you the strength it is needed to walk with Me even among relatives. For by your example, you set seeds in their hearts and conscience. Try to be a copy of Me, My examples. Learn of Me and imitate as best as you can!” He smiles.
“Walk always with eyes fixed on Me and My reality.” He means when I am on the road outside, going somewhere. Find your comfort always near My heart. Let your gaze seek Me at all times!
"Tell them of Me, of My Father, of My Mother, of what We did for you! Let them be fed with My faithfulness seen in action! Let their thoughts be in My hands. I will guide and instructs their hearts as only I can do with souls. Each is a different bee, and I know the exact way how to lead it to its perfectly made honey for its perfect growth into the maturity I desire them to have. Be not afraid to be found 'different'. I am a God of different creativity, of diverse ministries and graces, of diverse gifts and talents. I am a God who diverges in His creation, but I am the One and the same in all—one God forever and ever, though working in different ways and manners. I love diversity in My Church and Creation! I made them unique and each has a unique path I made as its own.
“Trust Me evermore in this! Relinquish all doubts, fears, troubles, and scruples to Me and see what I do with them! Bear them patiently as they test and try you.” He means the doubts, fears, and troubles. "I am growing you up into My own fashion and likeness.
"Endure the trial until the end, for after it is done, you will be found worthy of the crown of life and victory in Me! I am the Good Shepherd you can always come and stay near! I walk with you through the valley of the shadow of death and lead you beside still calm waters that refresh your soul. All will be well and good according to My plan for you and many around you. You are in My will, in the place I wish you to be, with the people I entrusted you to. You are Mine to tend to and care for, and I will do so through the hands around you too.
“Learn to hear Me about their hearts and needs. I wish to minister to them as well and bring them a healing balm—of body and spirit. Tell them of My Mother's love and care for them and for you. Let them also learn to come to her as her little children. It is most pleasing to Me when My people accept My most holy virgin Mother. Fashioned after My likeness and heart. She is entirely set on My will be done, My kingdom come, on earth as it is in heaven. I move greatly on mankind through the prayers and cooperation of My Mother.
“Let them know they have a Mother whom they can run to. They have a Father who listens to them too. And they have many siblings and children who watch and assist them in their daily lives! Let them come to know Me and the Family I have placed them into.”
Jesus continues,
"Translate your testimony and grant it to them. Be real. Be honest. Be free and be your new self in Me toward them. Be free in Me as you are with them! Don't hide the truth of who you are! Your truth might come to a turn to be their awakening and deliverance in time. Be gut real and, be at peace, My dearest. Be at peace all the time. I am here."
Grant me the strength, Lord…!
"I grant you the strength!" He finished.
[Then later in the day...]
After our evening meal, there was a situation where one of my brothers was asked to do something—dad asked him—and I saw the behavior. I could see we need a spirit of parental obedience, of honor, and respect for the mother and the father. Eventually, he asked me something, to which I told my brother the problem is our behavior, for one thing leads to another. Telling him, "If we want to change something, we begin with ourselves. That's what we are taught."
"If you don't wanna do it for him [dad], do it for Him!” I pointed at the pyx with Jesus inside.
"Him who?" my brother asks.
“The Lord!”
This was one of those situations where the Lord asked me to learn to hear His heart for them.
My brother with his usual smiling face, gets up, talks to dad about this and that, and eventually gets ready to take leave and do this task asked of him!
“You must be proud of me huh!" He said in a funny joking way, but with real sense. And I was! But I told him, "I'm not the one to be proud, the Lord is proud of you."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah!" I affirmed.
"Dă Doamne!" My brother replied [we spoke in romanian], with an expression of meaning [in english]: “Lord willing for it to be so!”
"Yeah. Remember that—you don't do it to men, you do it for the Lord." I added, and then he was done. He was gone.
Thanks be to God for the strength to speak to my brother and minister to his condition a little. Likewise, I was given the strength and brought out the monstrance—no longer carrying Jesus in the pyx, but putting Him inside the Monstrance. Family does not know what a monstrance is. We will see what happens in the house. Thanks be to God for the strength to do it.
. . . . .
[Another day...]
As another testimony of the Lord’s strength and grace; He instructed me to tell that I am a priest. He brought me a few days later, face to face with my mother... to let her know that I am a priest.
I had a breakdown and began tearing up as we spoke—in weakness, the Lord had me speak to her...that is usually how it goes with me. The following words are a sneak peek of the Lord’s great grace in action, in my mom towards this news:
The conversation went on, and I tell her with tears and a crooked voice, “I used to hide all from you guys before I left, but now I come back and I still hide from you.”
“What are you hiding for?” she asked.
“If I tell you, you might end up in the hospital again!”
And I told her about the Monstrance and the real Jesus being there, how the priests uncover Him, and so on, telling her, “...and I am allowed to touch Him... Do you know what this means, mom…?”
She knew. She perceived it from the first time she saw me lay hands on a Monstrance during one of our Mother of Mercy Live Prayers back in the Taos House when I first arrived in the USA, months ago. She used to look at me in these Lives to see my face, even though she did not understand the language. So she figured out that there was something else, and more, to what I have chosen.
“I know you guys more than I know myself or you know yourselves.” She says, and she does perceive things. So true!—God graced her.
I just let it all out, telling her my thoughts,
“You guys would rebuke me in the face and reject me. I grew up on way and now I follow this way? What kind of daughter am I?”
“Who said that?” Mother asked.
“Nobody!” I replied with a crooked crying voice, “I just think like that.”
“So the problem for you is mostly in the thoughts!” she affirms.
“Yeah….!”
So true! She does not even know how deep the trouble of thoughts might be in me truly, but she nailed it right then. It stunned me.
During the conversation, at first, she mentioned that with the counsel of family members and relatives, she learned to accept and let me go. Now she is getting more used to it.
“All I count on is for you to be happy and well on the choice you made,” sharing then her own heart, “there are just some things I do not want for you to end up in: in a war country; in an African country where there are all diseases; where there is famine. I would not want you to go there, as a mother. But if the Lord ends up sending you there…then... we will have to live it and accept what He gives me.” Paraphrased what she told me.
Among all these choices I made, among all these travel fears she shared, she just tells me that this is something I must do for her, “Eat, sleep, and make yourself a schedule. Maybe around 11PM stop using your laptop and begin the next morning when you wake up. Don’t stay late up at night.” She was concerned about my welfare, not to be solo “skin and bones”, and to take care of my eyesight as well, “and don’t think that much!” she adds, concerning my mind.
“I have learned to let you go. If you want to go somewhere, I let you go. I have learned that no matter what you are told or not—you would still do it anyway. So I allow you to go wherever you want. But in those war, famine, and disease countries, I would not want you to go….”
Basically, God upheld her very much, with all of Heaven alongside her, when I left through the gate that day, leaving all behind. Only God knows what she went through. But again, His grace is mighty with her, moving within her heart and soul that she is willing to let go—that is a mighty grace to a parent toward their child!
Praise God! And thanks be to Mama Mary and all of heaven, and brothers and sisters who aided with their prayers and assistance all the way through. His grace is able to make a weak one like me face the fear of family and to be open, and have them respond as Heaven would (in some cases, hm).
A testimony now, how the Lord and Blessed Mother moved for me to tell my mother that I was a priest—that I am a priest—and how He opens the mouth of those who are weak and “cannot speak” that other souls might be guided.
This IS a victory Mother Mary won for the Lord.