So, for the next week, my penance was to tell the rest of my family members that I am a priest...!
“….You seem to always do this, Mother...—you stretch me!”
“Well, yes, that’s my job as your Mother [spiritually] — I stretch you!”
In order to overcome fear completely—one needs to face it. She tells me that once I tell them all, fear will lose its grip on me about them, and those worrisome, fearful, and anxious stirrings will cease because the truth will be all out into the open. Nothing to hide anymore.
I noticed beforehand the majority of the Rhemas given to me, their themes run on Fear. But not the fear of man. It referenced fearing the devil/evil spirits. Hm.
After receiving this penance, the Verse of Today from my Bible App said:
"I am the Lord your God; I strengthen you and tell you, 'Do not be afraid, I will help you.'"— Isaiah 41
He has to! I cannot rely on my own strength to do this! I must rely on Him once again.
. . . . .
Another thing—I seem to come to terms that—“It's not about ‘feeling’.”
If I feel anything of love toward another—blessed be the Lord for allowing me to feel that.
If I don’t feel a thing of love toward someone [in there of tender emotion], then it doesn’t really have to bother me — do the thing even without feelings and tender emotions felt.
It made me realize I seem to aim my life on learning how to love, aiming at the loving theme the most. But Jesus decided to make this achievement even better by not granting me the feelings of love-emotions at times, making it a struggle for me to do it actually—a real trial and test of love, for I don’t feel it.
He can most surely grant me the graces to feel those emotions of love toward soul(s)— but that would be the easiest way. It seems to me He wants me to go the difficult challenging way: I wouldn’t feel the loving emotions but would be therefore tested if I would still do it.
It is easy to do things when love is felt in your heart and you burn with it even in your eyes. But if you were not to feel it — would you still do it? — or are you driven by the feeling?
“If I feel it, I do it—
If I don’t, then I don’t do it” ??
Two of the Rhemas today spoke of "finding Joy in everything" and another to "try to literally see everything and everyone in this world through the eyes of a child." The other day, a Rhema said, "Spiritual Joy which alone can overcome Satan’s traps for the soul."
It reminds me of Mother Teresa at times, as she had her Dark Night of feeling nothing, but still did what we all know that she did. And in all of this, she speaks of, "joy and smile and cheerfulness to her daughters and sisters; seeing Jesus in everyone."
. . . . .
When about to leave, I heard, “I would like to say a word!”
I come down to sit again, "Ok, Lord. I’m all ears."
“Thank you!" He said, “I would like you to put Me first thing in the morning, our thrusting time together to set you set on the task of the day ahead, and to have the strength needed to handle the trials and tests ahead. It doesn’t not only equip you but also comforts Me by having you near Me aside for a time.
“I WOULD like you to take Me in every chore you are assigned to do. For all things together go better!
“It is true a rescheduling needs to be made. Have a balance in all your dealings, but not to the point one overpowers the other. Ministry tasks and family duties are to be balanced and met accordingly. I will nudge you on its times and when to perceive their shifting.
"I am not mad at you! I only desire you to gain ground and be firmly set on Me and on serving others. But for serving others, you need Me to fill you in, for you cannot give what you do not have. But you have Me and, thus, I wish you to be purely filled more with Me to be able to go and bear fruit that will remain.
“The shifting of location always comes with a shifting in challenges to adjust to it. You do need to be diligent to it when I prompt you to move in or out of it. You need to rise up, My bride! Rise up from the bed of sloth and laziness within you and act in My Spirit! Time will soon come again when changes will occur but until then this new ground is before you—I need you up and steady for the task! Tend to the needs you have [channel], tend to their needs, and tend to My needs too.
"You are a bride after My own heart, and I wish to further prune and purify you. No need to fear the trying challenges I place you in, in other to free you from sin and fear. Trust in Me! I do not wish harm to you, nor to them, but at times these challenges have to be met and faced. I helped you once, I will help you twice [about telling family].
"Trust in Me, beloved! Trust in your God with all your heart, soul, and spirit! This life I gave you is not meant to be lived with fear, and in fears, at all times. I raise you up to be a lioness of heart! YOU have MY heart — the Lion of Judah!”
I think to myself, “Honestly, I don’t feel like a lioness....”.
“I am making you into one," He answered, "that's why the trials and tests come—they prune and purify. Had there been no trials and tests, how would My people grow and mature in Me?
“Life I meant to be lived to the fullest in Me, and this also means and includes facing trials and tests. The thrill of life that kindles the flames of Love."
[Pause in thoughts...]
“Strive to mention a detachment from the things of the world. Have a healthy detachment from family members and friends and allow yourself to suffer well for Me, in Me, and with Me. Thus, you become solely attached to Me. When you are detached and letting go, you more easily yield and submit to My leading.
“All will be well. My plan for you stands in My wisdom and soon you will see the good I wrought in you and many others around you.
“Stand strong! I am with you— Granting you the courage you need for the day ahead,” he added right away when about to ask Him for new strength.
Thank you, Lord, for your unending mercies. Thank you for…—everything. Thank you for your strength and words and forgiveness. (You can read my heart right now!) Amen!
Thank you, may it come to pass as You said.