One day we were told that Father Ezekiel was suffering and that we were to pray for old us to pray for him. Father Ezekiel has told us to pray against complaining, against harsh words or correction. To pray for strength and peace in the community. To go straight to the topic; he was suffering because of our complaining. I felt conviction because I saw myself in that state. For days I have been battling complaining, judgment, criticism, presumption, and all the gamut of feelings that are judgmental and ungrateful. I felt convicted because I was part of his suffering.
I then repented… Beginning to say as a short prayer while meditating. I began saying to the Lord:
Lord, forgive me for complaining… I just, I just want to be grateful Lord. For as long as I live I want to be grateful as much as I can.
Grateful when I am grateful. If I still fall and complain, to be grateful for that for I gain self-knowledge about myself. Grateful for the storms and trials you allow for my growth. Grateful for the souls I am with right now on Earth, for in your faithfulness they are alive, and I commune with them. Grateful for the foods I get, little or much, grateful for the neighbors for you keep them alive also so they too come to know you one day truly. Grateful also for them to help in my growth, in Your own way of working things out. Grateful for having faults because like that I am poor, weak, and frail, having to lean on you, my God. Grateful that I face impatience often, for it builds up trained patience. Grateful for the chance to cook a meal for my sister or brother, for I am feeding you and your heart. Grateful that these unique souls we feed, they exist, for without them the world would be missing a diamond. Grateful for the tasks you gave which fill the whole day, for like that the time is well occupied being about your business rather than wasting it in frivolous things passing away. Grateful that I am able to wake up in the morning and have one more day in my life. Grateful for having you physically present in the room I live. Grateful for the angels fighting day and night for my safety. For momma Mary and all of Heaven. Grateful that those who had gone Home in Heaven before me, and being rewarded as a Saint, for like that they have received their reward and are happy, now waiting for the rest of us to go Home. Grateful for the soul in heaven, for is now free from the valley of tears and the life of struggles it faced.
Grateful, for all things, even the curses you permit to land, even the evil who annoys, even the words said that hurt. Grateful and not to forget you are good, faithful, loving, and have been taking care of me since eternity. Grateful that I live on Earth. That I walk on it. That I meet the people I meet, for in your wisdom you created these paths for me to walk in. Why should I then complain of anything? For all was planned by your hand for so much a higher good for me and all.
Daddy, Momma, I want to be a lifelong grateful soul. Grant me please this increasing grace at work in me to live gratefully. Let that be a mark stamp on my soul and spirit: Grateful Soul through stormy water or snow, rain, or sunshine, windy or calmness. Let there be peace even when I don’t feel at peace. Let the heart rejoice when I do not feel happy. Let this mind of mine be filled with gratefulness at the thought of you when it is plagued with bombarding thoughts.
May it be so, by you, in me, for you, and for our delight towards you too. In Jesus’ name.
I will try my best as far as I can, it won’t mean I will be exempt from falling short, I will fall, but when I fall – let me be grateful right after, on the moment. Amen.
. . . . . . .
Life is only temporary here. I wouldn’t want to spend it complaining. Let there be peace in my soul that lasts and surpasses understanding. Detached, happy. Grateful that I have breath in my lungs. And a purpose for living, being, and exiting.