Finally, I landed in Africa as well [Laugh] — now this was new territory for sure!! And the Lord dug deeper, beginning the process of healing my soul. Being with Heartdweller's Father—a Brother from the Mountain—together in this mission, there was ample things I had to unlearn and relearn anew, according to the Lord's ways.
My whole life I was a shut-in soul, not sharing much with anyone — this caused much pain to my family in previous years too before coming to the Mountain — the Lord with Father [the Heartdweller Brother] taught me to open up. I didn't know how to deal with my emotions, I barely let them out, them being so negative — the Lord and Brother taught me about this too. But one of the most important lessons here would be also to give love, express it, speak it out! — So I was totally being brought out of my comfort zone! Not only was the Lord cultivating my soul and character, but also growing me up into a woman.... not a child, not a teenager, but a woman.
Being made Mother of the House of (IHS) Christ ministry, taught me about exercising the God-given authority (leadership), having to step up and face people; direct; speak; instruct— I couldn't be a marshmallow anymore, my character had to grow. Also, I had never been with a grown man so much in my life, so being with Brother was a perfect chisel of the Lord to begin to shape me well; to bring out my true self, both good and bad; instructing me in many things about life I had no knowledge of, thus also answering many of my questions of long...
Yes, I had to learn to receive love... Brother is a soul the Lord fills with much love, but I would have a fight with that. I would not be open enough to receive it fully, thus, I would hurt him as he sensed rejection from me. I was a huge up-and-down mess, which the Lord was undertaking to unmess me. So Brother, with the Lord's grace, had to have much patience with me in this growing.
The Lord was healing self-hatred; self-condemnation; a shut-in mindset; exposing me and pride; humbling; adjusting; many self-denials in the process; stepping out; dealing with Fear of Man (people) — He was unto the deep digging now... Such a deep digging! The enemy many times would try and bring division among us [Brother and I], but the Lord somehow always had us sit down and speak openly and at the end of the day we would be restored back fast. This is another thing I am being taught — transparency! The Lord desires transparency in His House! and Brother is teaching this by example. All he is teaching in the Lord, he himself firstly does it! What amazed me foremost was how quickly our relationship would be cultivated, between Brother and me that we marveled at what the Lord was doing! I will tell you openly that quickly the enemy tired me hard.
You see, back while I was in Germany, the Lord revealed I would get married one day (here on earth) to my shocking surprise, for I always believed He wanted me to remain unmarried and be His alone. It hit me at first this revelation, but had to yield to His design for me. So when I came to Sierra Leone and saw how quickly my relationship with Brother would race well, a question gripped me fast: if he was the one the Lord had for me? This idea would cause me to draw back from receiving the love Brother had for me, pure brotherly love, in the Lord... I would misunderstand so much that it became a mental torment, messing me up in disorder, unable to cope with myself or with those around me... Over time the attacks and anxiety would hit so hard, that temptations to leave all behind and give up my path with the Lord, on Heartdwellers, on everything with the Lord - arose. But even in this, the Lord was teaching me not to fight alone but to allow Brother to help me, which, many times, would bring me back to my senses, a little bit at first.
I would fight this idea of marriage with him, at times even despising it and wishing to think of nothing about anything about marriages at all, so I would be very alert to any anxiety attacks touching this subject. The Lord would give me His words in messages, some puzzles here and there to direct me -- but confusion would soon perplex me again, so I began to hate the word "marriage". Seeing how much suffering this topic would bring me, I wanted nothing to do with it anymore.
Misunderstanding the Lord is not funny..... at all. For it can bring a soul's destruction if she is not careful and returns back to Him. I was blinded by this confusion and could not see what the Lord was actually doing. Like in a storm, you don't see anything clear. The Lord was working deep in me. I would again fall numerous times and experience my many failures, and the evil of mind and heart and its self... But with the digging, there is ample fruit brought about!! Surely I can see He did great things in us, in the families in Sierra Leone, and in all we met there!
After 6/7 months in Sierra Leone, the Lord moves us to Italy....
Our mission in Sierra Leone for the poorest of the poor, continues. We have newly formed a GoFundMe page. Would you please help us support these families? Continually providing for them so they not be in lack. Will you be the hands of Jesus to help us to help them? Will you be there for them...? Help us reach the goal, and help us provide for them continually, so they, too, would rejoice in the Lord our God! Everything you give is a huge blessing for them. https://gofund.me/2cfea451